


Nowhere

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Dialogue, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship (strained), First Time, From Sex to Love, Guilt, Lovers, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21937096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: What had happened with Gilgamesh had been accidental, Arturia kept telling herself. And the reason why she didn't put a stop to it was something she could not explain.Perhaps, however, she could.
Relationships: Gilgamesh/Arturia Pendragon | Saber
Comments: 30
Kudos: 100





	Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm not dead :P these past few months have however been rather intense, to put it mildly, and I rarely even had the time to use my laptop at all, let alone write. However, I have not forgotten my in-progress story, and I will get back to it (you can check my other works - when have I ever left things unfinished? ;) ). In the meantime, hope you enjoy this fanfic :))
> 
> Thank you so much to Christy for patiently letting me talk about my ideas for this story and adding lots of helpful suggestions :D
> 
> Title: from a FictionJunction YUUKA song that Kalafina performed at Animax Music Fall in 2011 ;) the lyrics of the song that divide the fic into sections have been translated by the canta-per-me forum :))

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…O…

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_More than the desired comfort_

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…O…O…

…O…

…

Arturia stared up at the sky, her chest still heaving slightly. It was a very nice afternoon, with warm weather and almost no clouds at all, and the back of Gilgamesh’s convertible car had extremely comfortable seats.

In spite of all this, while knowing that she would be travelling in his car, when she had woken up in the morning she certainly hadn’t expected to end up sleeping with him.

Her green eyes remained focused on the deep, beautiful azure of the uncommonly cloudless sky, not feeling exposed nor embarrassed about her nakedness. In fact, she had trouble defining what she was actually feeling, because she could not deny that her emotions were a _mess_ , and a small frown appeared on her face as she concentrated on trying to understand herself.

She definitely felt… strange. Her body felt oddly foreign, her limbs seeming to belong to someone else, and while nothing hurt, she was uncomfortable, as if she didn’t quite know what to make of herself now. The fact that she hadn’t moved from her position in a while certainly wasn’t helping.

She did not know how to deal with her current situation. She wasn’t one for impulsive actions, and she had never expected to find herself in such a predicament.

But first things first – she needed some order while getting a grip on herself, and she was going to start by getting dressed.

Mechanically, almost robotically, she lifted her upper body just enough in order to reach any piece of clothing of hers that she was able to find, and started putting them on as quickly as she could. She did not feel the urge to flee, but she did want to be alone.

This made her suddenly become aware, as she was rapidly braiding her hair with automatic movements stemming from a long practice, of Gilgamesh’s eyes on her. She had almost forgotten about his presence, as she had been too concentrated on herself.

Chancing a glance in his direction, she barely managed not to blush when she noticed that he had only bothered wearing his shorts. Her body seemed to suddenly awaken and strongly responded – almost making her stiffen – when she accidentally met his gaze, but she forced herself to keep an impassive expression as she looked away, focusing on reaching the end of her braid and tying it.

About an hour and a half before – if her estimation was correct – she had fallen back on the backseats of his car while engaged in a very intense make out session with him.

If asked, she wouldn’t have been able to present a coherent explanation as to how or why she had come to kiss him in the first place.

They had been the last ones to drive back from a brief weekend excursion that Irisviel and Rin had insisted upon organizing, and the reason for the lateness had mainly been that Arturia had wanted to make sure they took everything from the hotel where they had been staying. She had predictably found a few objects that had been forgotten by others and, knowing that she didn’t have a ride, Gilgamesh had waited for her, as he had grudgingly promised to do the day before.

Given that they knew each other little and they had only recently started to actually talk to each other, she would have been taken aback by such a gesture on his part – not just keeping his promise, but actually _waiting_ for her – if he hadn’t made it clear to her that doing so was an incredible nuisance to him.

They had argued about it for most of the way back, even as he had let the roof of his car down because of the nice weather, but had ultimately spent the last few minutes in stubborn silence. Arturia had already been upset about another few things that had happened on the trip and she had not added another word until he had reached the small private parking lot behind the house she shared with her father.

Uther was of course away for work as usual – he was an internationally recognized chef – and the fact that an empty house awaited her had made her decide to glance at Gilgamesh when she had been about to exit his car.

She had seen him give her a strange, thoughtful look, and she didn’t know why, but something inside her had just snapped, making her abruptly bring a hand to his shoulder and then stare at him for a silent moment of indecision. Somehow, everything had seemed to make sense, and the next thing she knew, they had been ripping each other’s clothes off and were on the backseats, where Arturia had been biting her lips to avoid letting out too loud moans while Gilgamesh’s face had been buried in her neck as he panted harshly.

Now… now that everything was over, Arturia was still trying to understand what she was feeling. She did not know what she was _supposed_ to feel, nor what she should say or do.

Having sex with him – almost _public_ sex – had been something impulsive, unexplained, irrational, which meant – her logical mind suddenly decided to wake up – that it shouldn’t have happened at all.

She had done something supremely stupid.

She was suddenly filled with shame towards herself, finding it impossible not to face the results of her actions. She knew of Gilgamesh’s reputation and of the rumours regarding his decidedly vast amount of short-lived relationships, but that wasn’t a valid excuse. She was quite certain that she wasn’t the first one finding herself naked in his car and she probably wasn’t going to be the last either, but again, it did not mean that she was not to blame. She had _used_ him, in a moment of temporary lack of judgement, she had used him for sex, and she had let him use her for the same. She was a terrible person.

He was still lying down on the backseats, looking very satisfied and with his eyes still glued to her. This time, she was unable to stop the colour from rising to her cheeks. He had eaten her out before having two consecutive rounds of sex with her, and it had felt good–… well, it had felt _great_. But it was still something completely wrong that shouldn’t have happened. At least she was relieved that he had had condoms.

And now that the pleasure had ebbed away and she had overcome her moment of numbness, Arturia felt dirty, sick and ashamed, her guilt threatening to overcome her.

With inhuman quickness, she gathered the rest of her things and stepped out of the car, stumbling briefly. She had just found release three times in a row, and she could now start to feel that her body ached in several places, even though it was a sort of soreness she could temporarily ignore.

At the same time, her chest felt tight, as if she was about to burst, and that shocked her. She knew that she had made a horribly wrong decision, uncaring of the consequences of disgracefully becoming Gilgamesh’s most recent source of entertainment; now she had to deal with her increasing self-loathing, and she had to do it on her own.

She didn’t believe he was going to mind her abrupt leaving, in fact, given that he had gotten what he wanted, he was likely to now wish her gone too.

As it was only fair to do so, she turned around to face him again, seeing him sit up and now stare at her with a strange, undecipherable look in his crimson eyes.

She had to say something before leaving. She would have liked to know what though.

Therefore, she just let her ingrained, detached politeness speak for her, unknowingly letting her feelings of hollowness show.

“Thank you for your time. Have a nice day.”

She turned around, her keys already in her hand as she went to unlock the backdoor and shut it behind herself without glancing back.

She put all her things away before going to take a shower, carefully scrubbing her body with an unfocused gaze, her shame steadily growing again.

Only because the weekend had filled her with frustration, as some of the members of their group had been irresponsible, she had let her anger control her and make her become reckless enough to randomly sleep with someone. Gilgamesh was certainly a flippant person and she couldn’t claim she particularly cared for him, but he had never done anything to deserve her selfish behaviour towards him – because that was what she had done.

She had been selfish and she had used him to forget her irritation.

She knew – even though not from experience but from what others had told her – that most guys usually didn’t care about their partner’s pleasure at all as long as they got in their pants. Gilgamesh had however not been like that, as he had made it very good for her – her thighs briefly trembled at the thought – and she had simply walked away rather rudely after everything had been over. She doubted he had been offended by it, but that didn’t matter: she still wasn’t happy with her conduct.

Arturia closed her eyes, turning off the water and grabbing a towel with determination. Whatever she thought of it and of herself, she was going to have to live with it. That was all.

What had happened was a mistake. A foolish and idiotic mistake, but nothing more than that, and it was a closed chapter now.

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_I want to see the truth of you_

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…

She may have considered her monumental yet momentary lapse in judgement as a mistake she regretted, as an isolated incident – even though she still felt quite tense and uncomfortable every time she thought about it – but Gilgamesh obviously did not.

He came up to her a few days later, as she was walking down a deserted corridor to go attend a lecture. One of his arms swung around her shoulders easily and he casually leaned down to kiss her cheek. They were thankfully the only college students who were there early, so no one else had seen that open display, and no one saw Arturia go rigid either.

She knew that he never came to class early, as she was the only one who showed up at this time, which meant that he had obviously meant to see her specifically. Furthermore, the way he had just greeted her was eloquent, touching her as if he was entitled to it, and it caught her completely off-guard, especially since she had never seen him act like this with anyone else before, not even with people she knew for a fact he had slept with.

She wasn’t happy to be added to the list, but she had only herself to blame for that, therefore she discarded her feeling of shame and focused on giving him a glare as she pushed him off.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she questioned, tone low and menacingly controlled as they remained in a deserted part of the long hallway.

His expression was relaxed.

“Greeting you, obviously,” he replied, with a note of condescension in his voice.

Arturia’s features immediately hardened. He clearly had a different opinion on the aftermath of their unplanned and unnecessary liaison.

“You think that sleeping with me allows you to touch me whenever you want? To stake some sort of _claim_ on me?”

He studied her coolly, not seeming to be affected by her angered tone.

“Do not accuse me unjustly. I have done no such thing.”

His eyes were still on her, and Arturia was glad that she managed to focus on their conversation and not think about the completely different position they had been in during their afternoon together.

“You initiated everything yourself, Arturia, and you wanted me desperately, even though you were clearly preoccupied and ready to overcome your scruples only because of that frustrating weekend. But be honest with yourself.” He leaned forward abruptly, stopping right in front of her mouth, and she had to struggle to keep looking into his eyes and not let hers stray down to his lips. “Would you have slept with anyone else?”

In spite of herself, she considered the question, even though she refused to dwell on its implications. She did owe him a reply, albeit not necessarily a completely truthful one.

“Perhaps in that moment, when I was angry, I would have,” she said after a few seconds. “But you happened to be one of the reasons for my anger and were closest to me, therefore…”

She knew that she was being needlessly harsh and hostile, but she would have said anything in order to drive him away, to get out of the unpleasant situation she was in – and there _was_ a small amount of truth in it after all.

She should have known, however, that it wasn’t that easy to drive _Gilgamesh_ away.

He actually chuckled at her, and managed to take her by surprise by bringing one finger up to trace her lips briefly before she shook herself and slapped his hand away.

“I would appreciate your attempts more if you were actually trying, Arturia,” he said, somewhat mockingly, even though there was an odd softness in his tone when he pronounced her name this time. His expression suddenly became serious. “Lying to oneself may be an effective defence mechanism on occasion, but it’s not for you. You are not a liar.”

He walked away after that, leaving her to stare after him with her thoughts even more chaotic than they had been a few days before, when she had been stepping out of his car.

She tried to focus on the lecture, she truly did, and for the most part, when she did not glance in Gilgamesh’s direction, she managed to grasp all the important points and write them down in her notes. She did notice that he had left before the end, but she did not think much of it, mainly feeling relieved that she wouldn’t be distracted by his presence anymore.

She only realized that she should have been paying more attention when she was walking out of the room – as always, she was among the last to leave – and Gilgamesh’s arm appeared out of nowhere, snatching hers and harshly pulling her towards one of the bathrooms.

Before she even realized it, he was kissing her hard while pressing her against a wall, and she responded almost without thinking. He proved to be able to get rid of her clothes with incredible speed as she dug her nails into his back while his mouth became very intimately re-acquainted with her neck and especially her pulse point.

His fingers rapidly disappeared between her legs, and Arturia let out a shriek at the ease with which they slipped inside her. Gilgamesh did not waste any time before working her up, swallowing her increasingly loud and ecstatic sighs with his mouth and then lifting her slightly in his arms right as he slid into her. She clutched at him, her arms and legs tightening around his body as his thrusts became faster.

She was panting harshly as she slowly came down from her high, and as a few drops of sweat ran down her brow, he brought his mouth on hers once more for a kiss, this time slow and unhurried, in odd contrast to the fact that he was still deeply buried inside her.

His expression was far more closed off than she had ever seen before when he then disposed of the condom and left without a word, mirroring her behaviour from the first time they had slept together. All he did was give her a strangely haughty look before disappearing.

Arturia was left on her own to catch her breath and compose herself. She slowly did so, realizing that the tension she had been feeling in her body for the past few days seemed to have evaporated.

How much that was related to having just had sex with Gilgamesh a second time, she did not know, but perhaps, the fact that it did not seem to require the involvement of any feelings was a positive development.

At least, that was what she believed to be the case.

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_Tell me the story of your soul_

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…

While not being declared explicitly, their having a short but intense sexual encounter in the bathroom was what marked the beginning of their _real_ liaison.

Arturia did not seek him out, but she did not turn him away when he showed up around her. Gilgamesh seemed to know exactly what would be the right moment, because it was very rare for her to pull back when he kissed her, and that was only when she truly wasn’t in the mood. When this happened, he did not insist and did not seem offended, instead choosing to merely spend time with her, never saying much but just hanging out with her, regardless of what she was doing. And since he managed not to be annoying whenever he decided to appear, she couldn’t find a reason to ask him to leave.

When this occurred, she tried her best to keep herself busy and not so much as glance in his direction, sometimes even going so far as turning away from him. Yet he was undeterred, and remained there as she studied, accompanied her when she went to run some errands, and lingered wherever they happened to meet. He wasn’t harassing her and, while he had a tendency to show up unexpectedly, he did not suffocate her.

His behaviour regarding intimacy had started to become quite puzzling to her. After some weeks of having brief but still mind-blowing sex in random places, he had showed up when she had been grocery shopping and walked home with her, ending up in her room and for the first time sleeping with her in a bed. And after complaining at length about the thunderstorm outside, he had eventually fallen asleep next to her.

His presence was too distracting for her to take real notice of it, and she only realized how intimate it could be when they had breakfast together in the morning and he kissed her gently before leaving.

That was then of course the first time of many.

As Uther was away for long periods of time, she had the house free and that was something of an incentive, yet she had to admit that she had started staying over at Gilgamesh’s place too. The first time it had happened, she had considered it neither safe nor comfortable to actually spend the night there, but he had insisted and persuaded her to simply take some of her personal things she needed and stay over already – and it had quickly become a habit.

During her third stay she had even briefly met his mother, Ninsun, who travelled at least as much as Uther did but, contrary to him, seemed to have a very close relationship with her child. Gilgamesh did not say much in her presence but it was plain to see that he respected her, and not only did he let her kiss his cheek, he even allowed Arturia to see it happen.

Arturia also noticed that when he mentioned things about their classes, his mother effortlessly took part in the conversation, obviously being up-to-date with her son’s life and always knowing exactly what he was talking about. Their relationship was clearly filled with ease and care, and Arturia had been taken aback when Gilgamesh’s mother had openly told her she liked her and had no objections about her spending the night there.

Ninsun had clearly considered it completely natural, but Arturia had felt distinctly awkward about it, ultimately agreeing to stay but firmly telling Gilgamesh that she was _not_ going to have sex with him while his mother was under the same roof. He had chuckled, made her lie down on one side in his bed, facing him, and settled himself next to her, simply letting his hands travel up and down her arms, very slowly, making her relax until they both fell asleep.

As confusing as she had found this, she had decided not to question his oddly considerate behaviour.

Sleeping now together in a bed rather than in casual places produced undeniable advantages, chief among them the fact that there was more _time_. He still had unbelievably wonderful sex with her as if he was possessed, but at the same time, he kissed her as if she was infinitely precious. He had the weird habit of leaving a trail of soft bites into her thighs, something he seemed to like, and since she couldn’t say she disliked it, she did not stop him.

The sporadic times in which there were things she felt uncomfortable with in the bedroom, she simply told him, and he surprised her by respecting that. And the same was for her: when she noticed a slight discomfort on his face when their bodies contorted too much in unnatural positions, she stopped as well. She could trust him to stop if she wanted to, and she knew he trusted her to do the same, as incomprehensible as it was. Other unspoken rules were always respected as well, for example he refrained from leaving too many hickeys on her neck, or at least, he did not leave them in places where she couldn’t conceal them.

This of course meant that they had become quite comfortable talking, even though that strictly happened in the bedroom and about the bedroom. She had for example once ended up asking him, as she had been thinking about what some of her friends had told her, if sex could ever be unsatisfying, and he had almost choked himself with laughter. After his amusement had calmed down a bit, he had replied by smugly asking her whether it had ever been like that for her when they were together, and her face had reddened considerably as she had answered negatively. He had told her that that was all that mattered, and had then proceeded to kiss her softly before pulling her into his arms as he often did when they were about to fall asleep.

Yet even though their relationship kept becoming more undefinable by the day, Arturia could not explain to herself why _she_ did not want to stop, nor could she explain why _Gilgamesh_ did not seem to want to stop.

She didn’t truly believe it to be the case, but she wouldn’t have been surprised if it turned out that he was sleeping with other people in the meantime as well – in fact, she would have more or less expected it from him.

In the back of her mind, she sometimes wondered how she could be so foolish – and be surprisingly so lacking in pride and self-respect – as to keep at her relationship with him. And she was rather ashamed of herself for keeping up an irregular sexual liaison with a person who was likely to be sleeping around at the same time.

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_How far the two of us will go_

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…

Her father came back for a few days after several months abroad, and Arturia thought it logical and immediate that Gilgamesh could no longer stay over, and neither would she go spend the night at his place. He did not seem happy when she told him as much, but after giving her a long, searching look, he merely offered a nod in reply.

Once Uther was back – at the very least he did send a notice before showing up – conversations between him and Arturia went as usual, nothing more and nothing less than what she had expected. They weren’t long, and they were solely about her father’s job and trips.

Once he had finished telling her about all the places he had visited and the menus he had created, he would ask her if her grades were good and, receiving the expected affirmative answer, he had no more interest in her life. She supposed it was a good thing that she had learned to look after herself from a young age, because even if she felt guilty each time such a consideration crossed her mind, she couldn’t help thinking that Uther was far from being the ideal parent.

Uther did care about her existence, in his own way; he just cared about his cooking more. Arturia was not certain how this made her feel, and she had stopped asking herself such a question. She wouldn’t have said that her childhood had been sad, but all she remembered when she looked back on it was usually herself playing quietly with toy blocks on the floor, occasionally watching her father who was busy cooking something. She knew that while she didn’t necessarily resent him for this, at the same time she could not help acknowledging his lack of attention for her as the truth.

She assessed her father as he was back in the house after many months away. She would have liked to say that she was happy to see him again, but she could not deny that she felt detached from him and – even if she was unlikely to ever admit it – quite indifferent to his presence, if not actually slightly unsettled by it.

She was unquestionably used to being on her own, and she didn’t mind solitude at all, therefore suddenly having someone else in the house – someone, as she knew from experience, who was there only temporarily and would leave soon – was quite disconcerting.

She tried to spend more time at home, around him, probably in a misguided attempt to be dutiful, but to no avail. A few days later, her father left once again, giving her only a distracted goodbye, and Arturia made an effort to go back to class as usual.

That was when she realized that she had unconsciously been ignoring everyone else, including Gilgamesh, and was deeply surprised when she realized that she actually _missed_ him. It was at least the only possible explanation for what happened as soon as she saw him again.

She met his crimson eyes briefly during class, and saw a look in them that told her that he wanted to devour her whole.

Just a couple of hours later, she was all wrapped around him, kissing him with abandon, as he thrust inside her with incredible ease thanks to how slick she was. She moaned into his mouth, pleasure soaring through her as the friction between their bodies increased, wordlessly encouraging him to quicken the pace.

Her father had come home for a week, and she hadn’t been alone with Gilgamesh throughout that entire week. That was the longest period of time they had been separated since they had started sleeping together.

She felt uncomfortable admitting it, but she could not deny the feeling of yearning that had coursed through her a couple of times when thinking about him during that week, and she pulled at his clothes with something akin to desperation once she locked the storeroom’s door behind them. He did not seem to be caught by surprise by her actions, because at least judging by how eagerly he was kissing her and how tightly he was holding her, she could guess – even though, deep down, she didn’t believe it – that the yearning was mutual.

She was clearly not the only one who had missed their–… well, whatever it was that they shared.

She panted into his neck, refusing to muster enough energy to disentangle herself from him, and he seemed inclined to oblige her, keeping her pinned against the wall, her legs still carelessly locked around his waist.

He traced her jawline carefully, touching her skin with his lips in a discreet caress.

“I did miss you, my sweet.”

It took a moment for the words to be registered, and Arturia was genuinely confused once she managed to do so. Even though she had accurately avoided thinking too much about it, she had always assumed that she wasn’t the only one with whom Gilgamesh was sleeping.

For the first time, it occurred to her that she had no proof of such an assumption. She had thought, based on what she knew of his character – which admittedly wasn’t much – and on the fact that she had been unavailable for a full week, that he would find someone else to amuse himself with.

She frowned at him, still trying to make sense of it all.

“Did you not find… company… lately?”

The look he gave her was uncomprehending, and again for the first time, she felt uncertain. “Do you not have other people with whom you, well, have sex?”

He kept looking at her oddly, and she went on, bluntly, “I never assumed you were being exclusive when sleeping with me.”

Now he was decidedly taken aback, but the surprise was rapidly replaced by outrage. She had never seen him come so close to lose his temper, and especially not with her.

“You thought I was sleeping with _others_ while being with you!?”

She felt compelled to explain herself.

“I know you as someone who isn’t constant, so I didn’t think you–”

He interrupted her, with some harshness in his voice.

“Arturia, I do not have multiple relationships at the same time. Any I had in the past have long since been over, usually right after they started. There has been none for quite a while before you, and the only ongoing one is with _you_.”

His expression was strange, and if she hadn’t known any better, she would have almost been tempted to call it upset, and his voice was flat as he concluded, “I find it quite surprising that there is even the need for me to tell you as much.”

He did not give her the chance to calmly think over his words, because the next second he was kissing her, in a very distracting way, and quickly managed to make her mind focus on completely different thoughts.

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_Rebel against_ _fate_

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…

It had been only a week, and only because her father had been home, but Arturia noticed that Gilgamesh hadn’t taken her absence well.

He did not challenge her desire to keep their liaison private, but she noticed that he was around her much more often, now almost daily. It wasn’t uncommon for her to go run some errands after classes and suddenly feel his warm breath against her ear as he embraced her from behind and dropped a kiss – or more than one kiss – to her cheek. He was also adamant about going home with her or persuading her to come to his place when possible, where he then proceeded to either wrap himself around her like a blanket, snog her until she was breathless or actually agree to study with her.

The strangest part of this was that, while he was now often around her every day, his presence did once again not feel suffocating. Especially when considering her habit of being on her own and the fact that the mere presence of her own father was enough to unsettle her, Arturia couldn’t explain how Gilgamesh had managed to effortlessly slide into her routine and firmly take a place for himself there.

She was becoming so used to his presence – he was extremely good at appearing at the most unexpected of times – that she had unconsciously changed her habits enough for other people to notice, and she became aware of it in a conspicuously embarrassing fashion.

Irisviel once asked her to compare notes about a lecture that had been more complicated than usual, and since she was busy writing down a few things, Arturia made the mistake of giving her permission to rummage through her bag.

They were going to meet other people – including Gilgamesh – at a bar, and Arturia wasn’t looking forward to it, as Rin had recently been hinting at the fact that she suspected that Arturia was ‘seeing someone’.

She had to have been rubbing off on Irisviel – or maybe Rin had actually put her up to it – because as soon as they sat down, the white-haired girl gave Arturia a pat on the back right as she was taking the first gulp of her drink.

“So, Arturia, who’s the lucky guy you’re inviting to your bed?”

The exclamation was loud enough to be heard by everyone, and they all had to rapidly jump back as Arturia choked on the liquid she had been about to swallow, getting it all over the table and her clothes.

Irisviel seemed unfazed by Arturia glare as the blonde woman tried to regain her composure, and simply held up a small rectangular package.

“Found condoms in your bag,” she said, slightly smugly, adding casually, “Honestly, Arturia, what has gotten into you?”

On the other side of the table, Rin laughed so hard that she fell from her stool.

“Oh, that’s easy to answer! I’d say that _whoever she’s sleeping with_ got into her, if you catch my drift,” she replied with a wicked grin, before dissolving into laughter once again.

Through a still slightly teary gaze as she caught her breath – and unable to stop her face from turning all the most embarrassing shades of red at the lame jokes coming from her friends – Arturia could see Gilgamesh giving her one of his usual haughty glances that she had recently learned how to read.

It still amazed her that she managed to keep a composed expression, especially when meeting his gaze was enough to immediately remind her of the fact that just a few hours earlier, he had been buried between her thighs. She wasn’t blind to the current unending amusement in his eyes, but there was also hunger in them, and an undeniable promise for later.

She had no choice but to rapidly swallow the rest of her drink, to make sure no one noticed the tremor that shook her. She forced herself to focus on something else, and gave a hard look to both Rin, still laughing on the floor, and Irisviel, who was grinning and obviously waiting for her to say something too.

“Rin, you orchestrated this whole… _explicit_ conversation with Irisviel, didn’t you?” Watching her friends, Arturia gave them another half-hearted glare. “Know that I’m definitely not walking home with you two for the rest of the week.”

Cackling once again, Rin simply patted a chuckling Irisviel’s knee and panted, out of breath, “Doesn’t… matter… this… is… so… _worth_ it!”

Even though she was concentrating on the two giggling girls, Arturia noticed that behind them Gilgamesh was looking at her with interest. He had been quick to realize the implications of her not going home with her friends for the next few days.

Arturia had to wonder how everyone else managed to be oblivious to the way he smirked widely – and cheekily – at her from across the room.

She knew very well that _he_ was going to be there to go home with her instead.

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_There is courage in you_

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…O…

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The second time he walked home with her after Irisviel found the condoms in her bag, Arturia had again asked him if he was sleeping with other people.

He had seemed decidedly annoyed when once more confirming that it wasn’t the case, but had then obviously been caught completely off-guard when she had suggested they could stop using condoms, as she was currently on the pill and was thinking of soon getting an implant as well.

As he had then proceeded to take her hand and drag her to her room, she had concluded that he had no objections to it. She had relaxed in his hold and stopped him only to kiss him deeply before immediately removing their clothes.

He appeared to be fully aware of the effect he had on her, and obviously did not miss any occasion to take advantage of it, crimson eyes getting that peculiar glint every time he regarded her intently. There was however something changing in their… _relationship_ … lately, even though Arturia couldn’t figure out what it was exactly.

It wasn’t overly noticeable, but she did perceive that he seemed to behave… differently.

Every time he came to her house, he started bringing over something as a gift, usually food. She never asked where it came from, but once or twice, she had been tempted to ask whether he had actually cooked it himself, as it didn’t always seem to be takeaway. She had however decided not to inquire, and he had not offered the information, openly grinning at her when he saw the way her eyes usually rested on the food, something she was unable to prevent from happening.

Even though she tried not to let it occur all the time, Gilgamesh ended up spending time at her place surprisingly often, and not only in her bedroom, which ultimately was what made him be there when Uther came home again some weeks later.

Everything had undeniably started as _her_ fault, as he had been teasing her the whole afternoon and she had been too impatient, her body thrumming and throbbing too much for her to wait until they got to the bedroom, and they had become a bit too adventurous in the kitchen.

After they had found a decidedly improper use for the kitchen counter and bended into contortionist-worthy positions, he had meant to gather her up in his arms after a very thorough making out session, but had inadvertently brushed his arm against the other side of the counter, where there were the kitchen knives.

He had gotten a gash in his flesh, not nearly deep enough to require stitches but quite long nonetheless, which had prompted her to take out the medical kit she kept in the house. Inwardly grateful for the first aid classes she had taken a couple of years before, Arturia had done her best to clean and dress his wound carefully.

She had been so engrossed in her task and in doing everything right that she hadn’t noticed the way Gilgamesh was looking at her, in unusual silence. And it was quite disappointing, for she would have seen such an unmatched intensity in his eyes that she would have been unable to stop herself from kissing him senseless and resume where they had left off.

He had been about to remedy that as soon as she was done fussing over his arm, but just as he was ready to passionately capture her lips – with her full approval – her father appeared.

Uther seemed completely unconcerned about having interrupted them, and even less concerned about Gilgamesh’s presence in the first place. He briefly told Arturia that his most recent trip had allowed him to experiment with new cuisines, and then asked them to leave him the kitchen free so that he could work, and they quickly did so.

Even though he had raised an eyebrow at seeing her father’s clear disinterest, as soon as they were alone Gilgamesh refused to leave the house. He merely pointed out that since he was already there and Uther did not seem to mind, he could remain a little longer – and eventually managed to persuade her to let him spend the night there.

It took Arturia a while to realize that it was good that Gilgamesh had insisted upon staying, because otherwise she would have repeated what she had done the previous time when her father had come home. Gilgamesh clearly wasn’t going to accept her shutting him out a second time, and – even though they hadn’t slept together again – he had proven that he could spend the night in her room without repercussions when Uther was present.

In the morning, before leaving, he kissed her slowly but very thoroughly, managing to make her promise to meet him in the afternoon to study.

Uther walked into the room as their lips were still locked, but Gilgamesh refused to let that stop him, and only allowed the kiss to be over when they both needed air. He then touched her cheek in what could only be called a tender caress and left, merely deigning himself to give a rigid nod in Uther’s direction.

He probably needn’t have bothered, Arturia found herself thinking a few moments later, as her father was completely focused on reading through a cookbook he had received, underlining every part that in his opinion was in need of corrections or just plainly wrong. Inwardly shaking her head, she set to do some housework that she had neglected the evening before, her sporadic conversations with her father unaffected by what he had witnessed that morning – and the evening before – in the kitchen.

In the afternoon, she went to meet Gilgamesh as planned, and found herself unexpectedly yielding when he asked her to come to his place for the night, completely forgetting that her father was at home and could notice her absence.

She briefly remembered it when she was snuggled in Gilgamesh’s arms, his hard member still buried deep inside her and pulsing even after they had already spent two hours in bed. He had understandably not been pleased when he had noticed her distraction, and had made sure her mind was solely focused on _him_ until she fell asleep.

It was only in the morning that Arturia became fully aware of the fact that she had spent more time in his bed than anywhere else in his house. She knew that she should have felt ashamed at the realization, and was instead confused when she wasn’t.

She refused to let her thoughts linger on that, as she had after all more important things to consider – among which there was Uther who, being at home, had to have noticed her not spending the night there.

But she was slightly surprised to find out that her father not only did not ask her anything about her whereabouts, he also did not question Gilgamesh’s frequent presence, nor did he give her inquisitive or even strange glances. He seemed to be either completely indifferent or completely oblivious to the situation and, even though he stayed home slightly longer than usual, he was soon off on his next trip.

Gilgamesh wasn’t blind to the distant relationship she had with her father, or rather, the lack of any kind of relationship between them. However, while he did give Arturia a long, thoughtful look when she told him that Uther had left again, he did not question her, knowing that she would probably end up using the hedgehog tactic and close off instead of giving him more details about such a strange family situation.

Before Uther’s next visit, a few more changes took place in _their_ relationship.

As Arturia eventually agreed to walk home with Irisviel and occasionally Rin again, the black-haired girl one day managed to take her bag from her with a subterfuge and excitedly shuffled through it. She was however deeply disappointed when she didn’t find any more condoms there, and even though she firmly declined to answer, Arturia had to endure her incessant inquiries all the way home.

The following day, when walking through a busy hallway, Gilgamesh casually pulled Arturia to him to prevent her from smashing against another person, and kept his arm around her rather possessively.

Arturia barely noticed, as she was talking with another classmate, and the fact that she did not protest at Gilgamesh’s display made Rin’s eyes light up in mischief. But, taking everyone aback, Irisviel determinedly grabbed her arm and shook her head, indicating for her not to say anything. Perhaps Irisviel wasn’t allowing Rin to manipulate her after all, both Arturia and Gilgamesh inwardly mused, and they both came to the tacit decision not to say anything. Following their example, their group of friends did not comment on such a development in their behaviour towards each other.

Arturia had several errands to run on that day, and even though she agreed to meet with Gilgamesh later, she was so tired that he simply drove her to his place, where they didn’t even have sex in the end and just went to sleep.

The more time passed, the more it became obvious that they weren’t just spending the nights at each other’s place to sleep together, but to simply _spend time together_ instead.

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_I will be everywhere_

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Arturia did not realize how truly serious their liaison was becoming until he mentioned having a public event organized by his family coming up, and she absent-mindedly wrote it in her agenda, therefore showing up as well.

She noticed the slight flash of surprise in Gilgamesh’s eyes when he saw her, but his expression then turned smug and he swung his arm around her with a wide grin. She was hardly any less surprised than he was, and although she only managed to _glimpse_ that he was truly pleased because of her presence, her impression was confirmed when he then engaged her in a passionate making out session _in the drapes_ of all places.

With all the other guests just meters away, he proceeded to make his hands explore the skin underneath her underwear, making sure she became more and more desperate with his every touch.

He then practically dragged her to his room, where he seemed to want to focus on kissing her as much as possible for the next several, long hours in which they didn’t leave the bed. Arturia eventually fell asleep in his arms, her body feeling sated and decidedly tired because of all the exercise it had been subjected to.

When she woke up in the morning, she was astonished to find Gilgamesh – yes, the _arrogant_ , prideful Gilgamesh – with a tray in hand, having brought her breakfast in bed. He did not offer an explanation though, and did not give her the time to ask for one either, because he simply kissed her softly before inviting her to dig in.

She was glad she had decided to forgo the pill and finally get a contraceptive implant, because otherwise, with the amount of sex they were having, she would have been worrying the entire time about becoming pregnant. He was aware of her having an implant, for he had repeatedly asked if it was what she wanted before agreeing to discard the condoms. That had also been when she had found out that while it was true that he thought about having sex with her more often that she did, it did not mean he had ever entertained the notion of forcing her if she didn’t want to.

Arturia decided that she absolutely needed to kiss him senseless when that specific talk ended.

She took herself by surprise when she suddenly realized, just a few days later, that he was no longer the only one to seek the other out. While he had slid into her life with ease, she had begun doing something similar, as she had unconsciously become familiar with his own engagements and was organizing her time so that she could be together with him as often as possible. Furthermore, while he had certainly not stopped accompanying her around at all, she had started going with him when he had his own errands to run as well.

She could not say she had truly understood what their relationship was, but it was definitely based on more than sexual compatibility. It may have all _started_ as an impromptu sexual encounter, but it did not mean that it had remained that way.

It had _definitely_ progressed.

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_The real you and the real me_

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The situation was beginning to worry her slightly, because if their liaison became more serious, so was the risk of it becoming _dangerous_ , in her view. She was fine with sex, as it wasn’t binding; but anything more than that could be problematic.

Gilgamesh clearly enjoyed touching her, and even though in public she was still much too reserved to allow abundant physical contact, much less reciprocate it, he seemed to know this and never brought it up, instead focusing on rather enjoying the different ways in which she expressed herself in private.

This state of things puzzled her so much that it managed to make her edgy and embarrassed even when she was merely sharing an umbrella with him as he went together with her to buy some groceries, since Uther was going to come back the following day and had called to inquire after some ingredients he needed. Her father was a masterful cook – his recipes were delicious – but he managed to be the most forgetful person in the world at the same time, especially when it came to _buying_ the food he needed.

Arturia had not asked Gilgamesh to come with her on this errand, and he hadn’t asked to accompany her either. Yet it had been tacitly understood that he could and would go with her, and she felt profoundly confused, as she couldn’t find an explanation as to _how_ they had reached this unspoken agreement.

It was even more flabbergasting for her to realize that she felt inexplicably more nervous about doing something as minor as sharing an umbrella with him than about spending hours together in bed, experimenting with some quite unusual positions she had never even heard of before.

She no longer felt the sting in her pride – since she had ascertained that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else and it didn’t seem to be a passing fling for him – and while she still questioned the reasons that made her continue with their odd relationship, she did not feel ashamed anymore either. She had grown comfortable with him in bed and she had managed to let go of many of her inhibitions, making it mostly easy to spend time with him; yet walking next to him, with all their clothes on but perforce very close because of the small umbrella, managed to unnerve her deeply.

He did not seem to have her same problem, nor did he seem aware of her inner turmoil, even though he did not say anything for a while.

Eventually, he sighed and unexpectedly put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

Seeing her startled, questioning and slightly accusatory glance, he shrugged and said, “Otherwise we both get wet, and what would be the point of the umbrella in that case?”

Arturia couldn’t say that she completely agreed with the solution he had found but, to her chagrin, she did not have a valid counterargument; therefore, she opted for silence and kept walking, now almost enveloped in his arms.

It didn’t take long to finish with the shopping and they were soon back at the house, where Arturia had just closed the umbrella and was about to enter, when the door opened and her father was standing in front of them.

Obviously having come home earlier than previously announced, and as always not seeming inclined to question Gilgamesh’s presence, Uther happily took the bags of groceries from them.

“Oh thank you, Arturia dear, I really needed these ingredients! And thank you too, Arturia’s boyfriend!”

Arturia’s eyes became impossibly wide at hearing those words, and she looked at Gilgamesh, vainly trying to hide her mortification about what her father had just called him.

Gilgamesh however seemed to be somewhat annoyed.

“He should definitely know my _name_ by now,” he muttered, clearly unconcerned about what was instead sending Arturia into a panic.

“He called you my boyfriend,” she blurted out, her mind spinning, still trying to make sense of the situation.

Gilgamesh was staring at her with a raised eyebrow and seemed slightly taken aback by her wary expression.

“Arturia, he saw us making out more than once,” he pointed out, his voice sounding a bit impatient. “He knows you’ve been over to my place, and he’s seen me sleep here as well. It’s not that hard, even for someone as inattentive as him, to put the pieces together.”

Arturia almost missed the criticism he directed at Uther and instead focused on how he was neither denying nor arguing over the ‘boyfriend’ part of the sentence.

“My father said _boyfriend_ ,” she stressed. “This was not supposed to happen.”

Gilgamesh inclined his head to the side.

“Would you have preferred him not knowing about it?”

She felt herself stiffening. He did not seem to understand what had affected her so strongly.

“That’s not it,” she replied, with some effort. “I wasn’t… aware… that you…” by hesitating, she was only prolonging her suffering, so she finished firmly, “I didn’t know you considered yourself my boyfriend.”

Now Gilgamesh looked decidedly affronted, and his eyes narrowed.

“You claim you _didn’t know?_ ” he repeated. “Arturia, what do you think our relationship _is?_ ”

“I wasn’t aware we were _in_ a relationship,” she countered, feeling a rush of irritation at his tone. At his incredulous look, she continued, “Yes, we are… involved, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“It does, and not just to me,” he cut her off sharply. “I was under the _very_ clear impression that it was the same for you.”

His voice was controlled, but there was now an edge in it, which told Arturia that she should not take this talk lightly.

“I do think we need to have a proper conversation about this,” she said after a moment, and was about to add something when Gilgamesh’s eyes flashed in anger.

“If you intend to make a fancy speech about how this has been nothing but a nice _phase_ , spare me the trouble of having to listen to it,” he hissed, his countenance turning haughty. “I will not have you make a spectacle of this.”

He was about to turn around and leave – they were after all still at the doorstep – when Arturia promptly caught his arm.

He could not miss the fact that her eyes well full of hurt and indignation, and that gave him pause.

“Do you truly think that this… this… relationship means nothing to me? Do you think me so wretched as to use you for sex and company if I were indifferent to you? Don’t insult me, Gilgamesh!”

He stared at her for several long seconds, before huffing and holding the door open for her, following her inside the house.

“Let’s talk, then.” His tone wasn’t inviting, but it was calmer than before.

A glance towards the kitchen confirmed that her father was already immersed in his culinary experiments, and Arturia silently closed its door before automatically guiding Gilgamesh to her bedroom, where she knew they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Before she could begin, Gilgamesh asked her sharply, “Is the label what troubles you?”

She met his gaze, able to read only intent scrutiny in his eyes, and she considered the question carefully.

She cared very deeply about the outcomes of this talk; she wanted to make sure she clarified her thoughts, while at the same time not causing a misunderstanding they would quarrel about.

“It did catch me by surprise,” she eventually admitted after a long pause.

Gilgamesh immediately had another question.

“Would you have preferred your father referring to me as your friend? Partner? Fiancée? _Husband-to-be?_ ”

Both her eyebrows rose as she pondered over his inquiry.

“I had not given a label to our relationship, and I recognize it has been a mistake on my part,” she said slowly, choosing to disregard the implications of his last words. “I just did not expect to hear one so casually, and especially not coming from my father, because–”

She interrupted herself, not knowing how to phrase it without sounding bitter, which truthfully wasn’t an emotion she was feeling, but Gilgamesh took over for her.

“Because he lives in his own world and rarely even remembers your existence, much less what goes on in your life,” he completed bluntly.

She frowned, slightly disturbed by how he had laid out the situation.

“My father is probably not the best at caring, but–”

“He doesn’t deserve to be defended by you, Arturia.” Gilgamesh’s voice was pure ice. “He knows you are sensible, independent and self-sufficient, and he has used that as an excuse to focus on himself.” His eyes held contempt. “You have learned to like being alone because he has neglected his duties as a parent. He doesn’t deserve _anything_ from you, while you would deserve a much, much better parent than him.”

His vehemence stunned her and she instantly tried to protest.

“Gilgamesh, my father–”

“You know that everything I said is the truth, Arturia–”

“Regardless,” Arturia was the one to interrupt him now, and her tone was cutting, “of whether or not you are speaking the truth, the relationship between my father and myself is none of your concern. As it’s by no means an abusive one, it has the right to remain private, and I would appreciate you staying out of it – and I would also appreciate you not giving me pity.”

He looked taken aback at this, and she reluctantly corrected herself, “I know you aren’t actually pitying me. But there’s condescension in your words, and you have no right to interfere with anything regarding my fath–… _Uther_.”

She took a deep breath. “The matter we should discuss is another.”

While not appearing to be convinced, Gilgamesh seemed to accept her desire to let it go and stared at her with an unreadable expression as he crossed his arms.

“What do you dislike about being my girlfriend, Arturia?”

As usual, he was direct, and she had to fight a serious inner battle to make sure her cheeks didn’t redden. Having to explain herself while she wasn’t yet _sure_ about what she actually felt was going to be difficult, and having to go through her reasoning with Gilgamesh himself was going to be twice as hard.

However, she wasn’t about to back away from the challenge. She had her pride and, more importantly, she wanted to sort out this entire situation.

“I can deal with a sexual relationship,” she therefore started. “While not something I’m used to, it’s not something I dislike.”

At his smirk, she was unable to suppress a small blush this time, but forced herself to go on. “I don’t know whether I can face a _real_ relationship though, whether I can trust anyone enough for such a thing. As you recognized yourself, I’m used to being alone, to relying only on myself – and I do well on my own. I don’t _need_ to be in a relationship. Which means that I don’t know whether being more intimately involved with someone is a good idea.”

Gilgamesh stared at her for a moment longer, and then made a wide, impatient gesture with his hand, his brow furrowed.

“Are you trying to make fun of me, Arturia!?”

There was barely suppressed anger in his voice, and she looked at him with wary surprise.

“Of course not – why would I–…?”

He interjected harshly, “Are you seriously convinced that you are making a valid argument?” Crimson eyes were ablaze with more exasperation than fury this time. “You _know_ that you can face a real relationship. You may never have thought to give _our_ relationship a label so far, but do you truly believe that the last few weeks, or rather _months_ , have been just about sex?”

There was a challenge in his tone, and she was forced to swallow, as she couldn’t contradict the truth of what he was saying. While it had not happened on purpose, she was _not_ about to deny that her bond with Gilgamesh had been deepening every single day since the first time they had slept together.

She would have liked to explain what she thought about this, but she felt definitely awkward and even uneasy in trying to be so open. She had never had a boyfriend before, and she wasn’t sure about what was _expected_ from an ‘official’ relationship of that kind. Furthermore, if she agreed to it, she was quite convinced that she would put a lot of herself in Gilgamesh’s power, and she doubted she was able to trust him enough for that, at least for the time being.

Besides, she couldn’t be sure that Gilgamesh was actually _worth_ it. She did not think that she was afraid, but she could not deny that she was exceedingly wary of the risk of becoming… a pawn, for a lack of better words.

But the worst of it all was that he was _right_. She had not planned it – she didn’t know whether or not she had wanted it – but she had indeed been allowing Gilgamesh to be close to her, to be part of her life, to _already_ be _more_ than simply someone she slept with.

How he had managed it, she had no idea, but it was extremely foolish of her to only realize it now – now, when she was already half-way in love with him. With him, whose history with countless other people should have warned her and made her be on her guard.

When one was cornered, Arturia knew that the best way to react was to counterattack.

She raised her chin and stared him square in the eye.

“Is that not what it has truly been for you, Gilgamesh?” There was no aggressive animosity in her voice, only firmness. “You keep asking me about this relationship, without ever making clear what it is on your part.”

This definitely seemed to astonish him, judging by the look he gave her, and Arturia felt compelled to elaborate. “You aren’t known for, well, being considerate towards the people you’ve been with.”

To her slight surprise, he scrunched up his nose a bit.

“I see that high school reputations sometimes have the rather unpleasant ability to follow one in college,” he grumbled, appearing to be quite displeased. “I will therefore assume that you don’t know that my last, very short relationship happened in high school.”

At her glance of unequivocal disbelief, he replied with a slightly conceited huff. “What people say about me doesn’t concern me. It only becomes relevant when they make _you_ believe things that aren’t true.”

Arturia felt herself tensing and lowered her eyes. Gilgamesh was claiming something now that was completely different from what she had heard about him; she knew that he wasn’t a liar, and for that reason, was inclined to believe him. However, he had never been one for direct lies, as he was much better – and much preferred – being cunning and maybe just not telling the _whole_ truth. And this worried her.

“I’ve been interested in you for a long while,” he suddenly said, making her abruptly snap her head up in his direction. “Long before sleeping with you, I mean. But the past few months have proven to me how truly precious you are.”

Seeing caution appear in her eyes, he clarified, his tone firm, “I don’t mean as an object I want to protect, and you know that. I mean as someone I want to be with.” A fleeting smirk curved his lips. “Once you’ll allow it.”

Her eyes were still doubtful, and he added, completely relaxed now, “You should know that I will never give up when it comes to you – not even when I make a mistake.”

Arturia could do nothing but gape at those words. Gilgamesh, admitting he had made a mistake?

He ignored her expression and kept explaining, “I did not realize the importance you placed on labels, or rather, on the lack of them. Because for me, it has been obvious for weeks that I’m your boyfriend.”

His eyes were now glued to hers, an implacable intensity in them that made it impossible for her to look away. “I did not think it was necessary to talk about it. Every time I attempted to do so, you changed the subject and did not allow a conversation to happen about our relationship – which made me conclude that you shared my view that bringing it up was redundant, as everything was already clear.”

His gaze suddenly sharpened. “I may have made this mistake, but it doesn’t change anything. I’m not about to let you go, Arturia – not now, not ever.”

At this, Arturia recovered enough to give him a dark glare, all her hackles up again. Perhaps there was some truth in her suspicions after all.

“Gilgamesh – did you do all this in order to manipulate me into a real relationship with you?”

Her tone was decidedly dangerous, making it clear that the answer was _very_ important.

Gilgamesh, however, scoffed.

“Arturia – would you honestly let anyone manipulate you?” he demanded.

His words gave her pause, as she couldn’t dispute that: she would _not_ allow that to happen.

Closely observing her face, he went on, “You’ve been fine with… no, you have _liked_ the past few months, Arturia.” His voice unexpectedly obtained a slightly softer edge. “Nothing has to change now, not even the labels.”

She did not know what it was about his sentence, but it made Arturia get worked up again.

With great effort, she told him, “While it may be true that you are fine with how things are now in this relationship, and I am not necessarily against the labels either, this would be only a temporary solution. You will demand more from me at some point.” She stopped to catch her breath. “I don’t think I can give, or am willing to give, more.”

He raised both eyebrows at her, something searching in his gaze.

“You mean marriage?” he asked bluntly.

To her own surprise, Arturia found herself nodding, and realized in that moment that indeed that was the biggest danger she could see in their future, if they intended to continue with their relationship. It was certainly a rather extreme possible result, but she had to consider all the options, since Gilgamesh had made it quite clear that he cared deeply about her, and she knew she was in the same boat regarding that, even though she hadn’t acknowledged it to him. Yet.

He seemed to contemplate her for a while, and then went to sit down on her bed. Without even thinking, she sat down as well, next to him, making her realize how used she had become to his presence in her room.

“You will be willing to live together with me at some point, of course, won’t you?” he questioned, and seeing that she couldn’t help giving him an odd look, feeling confused, he added, “I am obviously talking about next year, when we finish college.”

She regarded him carefully. They were indeed going to graduate in a few months, and they both had already a surprisingly stable job prospective in another city. It wasn’t far from theirs, but it was still a different place, and Arturia had been considering the idea of looking for a flatmate among her friends in order to share the rent.

As if he had read her mind, he continued, “I’m aware of what possibilities you are contemplating, and I consider it _much_ better for you to share an apartment with _me_.”

The unexpected offer – request – would have put her in a difficult position if she had already made arrangements with someone else; but since that wasn’t the case, she was unable to find any valid argument to make in order to decline.

Moreover, she would not lie to herself, and as much as she was reluctant to admit it, as it went against what she was actually used to, she was not against the idea of living together with Gilgamesh.

Therefore, she stiffly replied, “I would be fine with it.”

Something that could have been mistaken for a smile made an appearance on his face for a moment, but it was immediately gone as he calmly spoke again.

“Let me emphasize that there is no need to use any kind of label for our relationship even now, if you dislike them so much. What matters to me,” his voice suddenly lowered, “is being with you.”

This time, a blush was unavoidable, and it was rewarded by Gilgamesh’s grin. She got herself together quickly though.

“I do not understand though – _why_ do you want to be with me?”

Her voice held genuine wonder, and he gave her a look filled with incredulity.

She went into detail, “You said you’ve been interested in me for a long while. How come that after all this time of observing me, you still want to be with me?”

Perhaps it was that it just didn’t sound believable to her; it was impossible for him to have _truly_ been fond of her for such a long time without either him getting bored or for his interest to fade. Especially when she hadn’t exactly given him any clear indication that she reciprocated his affection.

“After all, you knew that I don’t hate you, but I… I haven’t said it’s anything more than that.”

She stopped herself when she saw the way he was looking at her. There was so much uninhibited fondness in it that, even as she was unable to break the gaze, she felt her face turning crimson.

His tone was slightly amused but mostly held affection.

“I know it _is_ more than that, my sweet,” he said. “Don’t think you can hide it from me. But for now, I won’t force you to say it – unless you want to, in which case know that I’ll always be very much ready to listen.”

A grin appeared on his lips. “It is only fair though, as I have not told you either. I will do so, but only once I’m certain that you won’t be inclined to avoid me afterwards.”

Arturia stiffened once again at that. She had not meant to imply that she wanted a love declaration, nor did she think she was on her way to make one herself. His confidence in suggesting that both of them were heading in such a direction made her feel decidedly wary once more.

Yet this time, he seemed to become impatient and even somewhat angry when he noticed her expression, which was unavoidable, as he had never stopped watching her.

Curtly, he told her, “You can’t honestly believe that I’m always around you only to sleep with you, or that I go shopping with you because I have nothing better to do. Neither can you believe that I enjoy kissing you, embracing you, touching you just for the sake of simple physical contact, or that I remember things about you just to impress you.”

His eyes settled on her with a heavy gaze. “And it’s the exact same for you too. You can’t believe you spend time with me just because you ‘don’t mind’, nor that you remember a lot of inconsequential things about my everyday life for no reason.”

As much as she reproached herself for it, since she prided herself on never being intimidated, those words were the first during their whole conversation to actually frighten her, because their indirect meaning was far heavier than what she was prepared to face.

Becoming aware of how she had taken those comments and how ready she was to close off, Gilgamesh seemed to force his anger to subside a little.

“At the very least, you can and should consider me to be your _friend_ , Arturia.”

His arms were crossed again, and he looked at her, daring her to contradict him.

Taking even herself aback a little, Arturia felt relief filling her, and she took a couple of deep breaths. She was not ready – nor did she want – to discuss the real but still hesitant deeper feelings she had developed over the past weeks, but that did not mean that she couldn’t speak at all.

With complete honesty, she eventually replied, “You know very well that I want you to consider me your friend too. I want _at least_ that,” she added after a second.

She could not decipher his expression, but decided not to focus on it and instead continued, with frankness, “I’m more than fine with you being around me. And I don’t mind you going shopping with me, even though it occasionally makes me nervous at the same time.”

“Because of how you expect it to be labelled?” he guessed, and she nodded with some reluctance.

He studied her for a few moments, eyes sharp, before saying with unusual gentleness, “You don’t have to label it then. Just think of it as going shopping with a friend. Or just with _me_ , without the need to give me a _label_ – my name alone is more than enough.”

He smirked at her, and Arturia had to actually hold herself back from rolling her eyes.

He wasn’t finished yet. “And next year, you will be moving in with a close friend.” He paused, and then helpfully added, “With whom you often sleep, of course.”

It amazed her that someone like Gilgamesh did not seem intent on insisting that they define their relationship. She knew that her reluctance wasn’t explainable in an entirely rational manner, and she could not deny that she was relieved that she was going to have the time to get used to the realization of their relationship in the first place.

Furthermore, she was pleased by this unexpected development. If Gilgamesh had pushed her, she wouldn’t have accepted it.

Knowing that they were going to live together the following year was something she could agree to, and it would help her get used to something more without feeling rushed into it. He was willing to accept her reluctance and caution, as long as they were together – because that was ultimately what truly mattered to them both.

Not even fully aware of what her facial muscles were doing, Arturia found herself offering him a smile.

“I doubt I will ever become truly comfortable with the terms ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife’, Gilgamesh,” she said honestly. It cost her some effort, but she managed to stare into his eyes as she told him, “But I do want to be together with you anyway.”

Gilgamesh grinned at her, some elation appearing on his face.

“Then we are in agreement,” he concluded, and seeing her lean towards him, immediately welcomed her unspoken message, letting his hands cup her cheeks as he pressed his lips to hers in what was probably the most intense kiss they had ever shared.

Arturia only pulled back after she had kissed him long and thoroughly to her heart’s content.

“Gilgamesh – my father has probably heard us argue.”

He appeared to be decidedly disgruntled by her having interrupted their much more pleasurable activities, and did not remove his arm, which was still casually draped around her waist, occasionally brushing against the fabric of her skirt.

“You know very well that I couldn’t care less,” he told her candidly, before immediately seeking out her lips again.

He was irritated to have been interrupted in order to consider Arturia’s father. He would have liked to tell the man off, as he had neglected his parenting duties and was responsible for Arturia’s guardedness when it came to having a relationship with him and her caution when it came to feelings.

Eventually, it didn’t really matter when, he _would_ be telling Uther what he thought of him, even though he would ensure that their talk did not affect Arturia.

As if summoned by their short exchange, there were two short knocks on the door.

“There is some dinner ready, Arturia dear!” Uther sang, seemingly not having a care in the world. “But do not stop on my account, as I’m leaving in an hour. Carry on!”

Arturia’s face was turning a rather alarming shade of purple, and Gilgamesh was tempted to chuckle. He held back though, and simply let his thumb caress her now free but still reddened lips softly.

“In a most surprising turn of events, I agree with him _this once_.”

His mouth went lower to gently nibble at her shoulder, pushing the collar of her blouse out of the way slightly. Arturia was still for a moment, as if she was deciding, and then her fingers found his cheek, rapidly making him turn his head so that she could make their lips meet once again, and her other arm went around his neck, making sure their bodies were better fitting against each other.

As they briefly separated for air, Gilgamesh was gifted with the sight of Arturia’s rosy cheeks, slightly swollen lips, and glowing emerald eyes. He could not help deciding, then and there, that he didn’t after all care whether or not he would eventually be able to call her his wife; what truly mattered was that she was together with him.

Wife or not, it wouldn’t change the fact that she was the most important person in the world for him.

…

…O…

…O…O…

…O…

…

_Take me to the nowhere land_

…

…O…

…O…O…

…O…

…


End file.
